Green Dot Friend

What type of friend are you?  I coined this term with respect to Google’s ever-so-ubiquitous G-chat* I remember someone once asked me (after getting calls from me only after 9pm) “Why do you call me so late, am I not an ‘anytime minutes’ friend”  This got me to thinking…has a swelling wave of technology truly changed how we view, value and demarcate our friends?
Allow me to take us on a recklessly loose history on the value judgements of friendships.  Let’s say that in the early native land, some Native Indians wanted to get in touch with someone.  How big would their smoke signal be, 2 plumes, 3 plumes?  Did they have different amount of plumes for friends, family, and the seedy mistress?

...4 puffs...

In the days of colonial America, while people were pioneering and carving out the many territories of this great land, did they even have time to reach out to friends? And if they did, would they send a letter via the pony express or would they send carrier pigeons or carrier (whatever was the domesticated bird of that day)?  Did that depend on how strongly you felt about your friend?
How about all those times you called a friend and desparately hoped to get the answering machine, to avoid the conversation that you did not want to have?  Regardless of whether you actually had a meaningful conversation, your heart wasn’t into it, and you hated yourself  a little because of it.
Remember when T-Mobile first offered the “Fave 5”; a concept that was rather unique at first.  Unfortunately, thei marketing department couldn’t quit while they were ahead with the Dwayne Wade/Charles Barkley commercials.  Which quickly spiraled out of control from “kitchy” to nauseating.  All I remember about those commercials is how Barkley needed some NBA socks.

Hey T-Mobile, stinky old feet really don’t make me want to use your products…thanks

Back to the point though, I often times find myself sitting at work with my Gmail window open.  I instinctively click on it every few minutes or so, not because I have received any mail, but to check out the dots on the right side panel, we all know these dots:

GRAY:
Not signed on (a faux-gchatter, who only has an account because someone begged them to do it, and then accepted the invitation.  I am not happy with these folks)
RED:
Busy (which is usually bullshit, because I have never g-chatted a busy person and had them ignore me, but I truly detest that “this person is busy, you may be disturbing them”  You know what? F**K you Google, I’ll talk to whomever, whenever)
ORANGE:
Idle (pretty harmless)
GREEN:
Available!

I will often click on my Gmail window to see which friends are green.   There are few people that I will drop it all for to start any conversatio, Dirty Martini, et. al**.  These select few are my “green dot friends” folks who will always have funny stories, offer witty banter and keen advice, or just shoot the virtual shit.  These friends will never be too busy, and gladly talk to me while they’re “red”, and I forgive them the absurdity of being “red”.  It is these same friends who allow me to shut my Gchat window and return to meaningful work, when they have “gone Gray” , which is sort of like Sarah Palin going rogue, aside from the lack of class, grammar skills skewed ideology,  bad analogy.

...so green and so friendly...

My question is…who are your Green Dot Friends?

*I would give them the glory, but they already have enough money.

**You like that Latin right there?  Yeah you do.

***Appros Po of nothing.  If there is a movie about Hillary Clinton, Rebecca DeMornay must play her.  No arguments.

see...

...I told you...

The Godfather Offer

If you are ever in a position to leave your place of employment on your own terms, the executives may become soft.  Despite all of their stingy ways, shallow pockets, and otherwise general bitchass-ness, even the most curmudgeon of employers will often make you the famed “godfather” offer.  This normally includes all the things you initially asked for with a cherry on top*.  Conventional wisdom holds that you are not to take this offer, because if your employer really values you, then these things would have been on the table in the first place, right?  This rejection of the “Godfather Offer” allows you to walk away with dignity and give a final “eff you” to your employer, or something like that.

I would think this law would be rather immutable, until you throw in a game changer:

GAME CHANGER

Having been a faithful T-Mobile customer for nearly 6 years, I would expect a certain amount of trust and service from my mobile carrier.  A while ago my phone was stolen by Amy**.  She claimed she would return it and the T-Mobile reps that I spoke to, agreed with and even encouraged my poor judgment to keep the phone turned on so that I could communicate with her as she made her way to my office to return the phone.  I felt pretty solid about this, since the rep also talk me I wouldn’t be charged with any extra minutes.  Needless to say, after a number of hours of tracking my phones usage charges and even calling the numbers that appeared, I decided to have my phone turned off.  I was a little upset, since I liked this particular phone, but I let it go.  When I spoke to my third rep of the day, I began to realize the tangled web that I had woven:

...sort of like the web I wove, minus the insects, and dew drops...

I had spoken to 3 different reps who each gave me different stories about how T-Mobile could compensate me.  By the time I got to my 3rd rep, I was livid about the rampant mis-information.  When I spoke to a manager he told me that I would be responsible for the phone charges, but not the $95 of music and games charges.    This was the classic psychology move of relative cognitive comparison***, akin to asking someone for $500, and then laughing it off, and actually requesting only $100.  I was in a state of shock, and not a lot of arguing was done.  I am still embarrassed at how I basically bent over and took it from this T-Mobile Regional Manager.  I vowed to cancel my plan once it expired (which was 6 months from that time), and avoid the egregious $200 early cancellation fee.

Fast forward to last week, when I decided to see the exact date my T-Mobile plan would end, so I could break free of this toxic relationship.  After a few minutes of recanting my pathetic tale to yet another T-Mobile rep, she listened and tried to reason, yet I was still pretty obstinate about leaving T-Mobile in the dust.  Then, it came:

...let's make him an offer he can't refuse...

The Godfather offer.  The rep laid it on incredibly thick.  I was to get a free month of service, 400 extra minutes for a year at no cost, and any Samsung phone I wanted (which is like getting to choose any brand-new Kia off the lot…no offense, but really).  The rep promised to put this on my record while I made my decision.  I thanked her for being so kind and then promised that I would consider it.

My conundrum lies in the fact that walking away from this deal may leave me with dignity, but it would leave my wallet hurting as I would have to finagle a new phone contract with some other, unavoidably more expensive carrier.  At current time I am still thinking about this, and I have a little under a month.  I will continue to wrestle with this ultimately marginally important life decision until the final hour.  Until then, I will continue to peruse the full cadre of phones available.

I am currently debating the genius of the Godfather Offer in this situation.  I wonder, if after all this time, it finally worked.

*This cherry rarely includes a raise, just menal add-ons such as better parking, increased life insurance or increased fringe benefits

**Names have NOT been changed to expose the guilty.  I only know her name because she moved heaven and earth to track me down to speaks her egregious lies about returning my phone

***Yeah, I made that term up