Over the past year I have heard those fateful words of holy matrimony nearly 10 times. Culminating with the consecutive wedding weekends in the month of September. I have read many discussions of wedding, ranging from the the calm to the caustic. I never understood how anyone could ever be upset at the prospect of attending the ceremony of love of 2 wonderful people, who are, usually, friends of the invited. This utopian view of wedding was as pure as newly fallen snow. The eager anticipation I had as a wedding virgin was unparalleled.
...how perfect...
Then my cherry got popped…
I really don’t know when or how it happened, but somewhere between the 5 weddings, the 1600 miles driven, the lavish invitations, the present buying, boozing, dancing, hotel reserving, or spilling expensive food on my suits, I got over it.
This is not to say that I despise weddings, or people’s general happiness at being together, I actually enjoy the ceremonies, and I love free alcohol, and dancing. The thing that got to me, and I assume starts to tread on all wedding-goers is the fatigue, and the feeling that you’re using all of your energy to cheer and glorify the event, instead of the people. For those who haven’t been to weddings on consecutive weekends*, its almost equivalent to going to 2 Super Bowls in a week, only having none of the contestants be your favorite teams. The travel, the celebration, and the feeling that everything is that same as it was before, just you’re now exhausted.
There are a few things that I’ve learned over this wedding season:
- The electric slide is despised by most people**
- Getting a gift is not essential***
- RSVP-ing on time is****
- Take your drinks to the dance floor with you, for they will be cleared or stolen
- The same does NOT go for personal property, it seems wedding attendees only want to steal the already free liquor, not expensive cameras, keys or purses
- Don’t think you won’t sweat, no matter how cold it is
- You know that $20 you dropped to get your wedding outfit dry-cleaned? Double it, because you’ll be getting all the clothes cleaned the following week anyway.
- When to start to dread getting over-sized ornate envelopes with your name written in calligraphy, then you need to stop going to weddings.
- Somehow there are always hotel rooms available, and you’ll be too drunk to care
- Don’t mix too much alcohol, it will destroy you the next day
- Take too many pictures, because only a few will be viewable and even fewer will be appropriate.
- Tom-Toms (or other GPS systems) can save relationships
Well at least my 2008 wedding season is over…
*a soul empyting experience
**I am not one of those people
***Not an excuse to be a cheap bastard
****If you do neither, then you’re just an asshole
